The Muses (muse_journal) wrote,
The Muses

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I'm not.

I'm not.

I'm not.

I'm not.

No, I'm not, I can't be, I mean, no, I'm not. It can't happen. Josh and I...we always....god, there's no WAY it could have happened, I'm always all protected and he...ALWAYS, I swear.

It should be really impossible for me to be pregnant right now, because as previously stated, I have NEVER put myself in a place with Josh where I could so insanely easy get pregnant. Then again, Drake and I did the same that first year, and I have a Catty and quite a few bitter scars to show for all that caution...

I love all three of my kids, even if I still share an emotional wall with one, and I wouldn't trade them for the world. They're three wonderful, incredible things in this insanity I call my life...but...I can't have another one. Not now, at least.

So, see, that clearly all comes together in one plea to whoever the hell has control over this to fix it and tell me I'm not pregnant. Because I'm not. I can't. It's too emotional, too stressful, too much of a blow to a relationship that, quite frankly, keeps me from collapsing every day. I don't want to watch Josh walk away because he's scared of what's happened, and there's no way I can convince myself that he's going to do otherwise. I think we've been together a few days over 4 months, and...well...I see that as reason for him to feel like it's not a commitment. *Shrug*

Maybe I just have...the stomach flu or something. And...stressed. Yeah. That is a perfectly reasonable answer, it's winter, people get sick. And temperature changes and this house and just being all works to get me to my stressed out breaking point. Maybe that's it. I bet it is. Because all of it can be covered with that, so, yeah.

I'll ask Dria about it tomorrow. She can convince me into finding out if I am, and if I'm not, she can give me something to stop the nausea and passing out. So, yeah. It's so just stress. And a stomach something. Yeah.

Not pregnant, nope.

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